As the question reads, if you’re a man and your relationship had reached breaking point, do you usually try and fight to keep it, or just accept it and let them go?
Edit: I’ll add here – if the woman has been trying to communicate and the man has been hurting her, and she reaches breaking point, would you as a man try and find solutions before letting her go? Maybe “fighting for” is the wrong term.
Comments
If she’s checked out, I’m not fighting to keep her. I’ll have one honest convo, see if there’s something real to fix.
But begging or chasing just kills your self-respect. If she wants to leave, let her.
Love’s a choice, not something you force.
Why am I, as the man, the only one fighting to keep it when the other person wants to go? If you want to go, go. This shit isn’t a game.
Breaking points exist for a reason (often many reasons).
I’ve had relationships reach them and come back from the brink for a bit, or be rekindled later, but those breaking points aren’t arbitrary.
I’ll essentially fight for someone I love until that breaking point is reached. By that time I don’t think it’s worth it for either of us, because you’re either effectively coercing your partner to move past some boundary of theirs, or you’re the one being coerced.
I can afford to act this way too because I do fight hard for relationships through hard times, but if we’re talking ‘breaking points’ I think those are impossible to ‘fight’ back from.
Nope. I’m not going to fight for someone who’s already checked out.
This sounds like manipulation akin to a toddler throwing a tantrum to get attention and stopping when it realizes no one is watching.
If it’s about fighting, naw. I’m not fighting anyone to keep them kept. When someone wants to be there then it’s never a fight with them; just the rest of the world because they always after me lucky charms
No. Why waste both of our time that we could spend finding more suitable people? If it’s reached the “fighting for” stage, it’s already over.
Also, I wouldn’t fight for the “woman”, I’d try to salvage the relationship, if it’s been established that there are aspects we both need to change / improve upon if we want to stay in it.
Nope, she’s out. If it’s got to a point where I have to fight to hold things together and somehow being made to think that’s the man’s job, I have zero interest in being around that person.
No. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me.
I care about what she wants. And if she wants to leave, I’ll help her with that too.
I have always found this concept of “fighting for the woman” really strange.
Doesn’t matter how much I love a woman, if she has stated clearly that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, then that is it!
If she has clearly stated what her needs are, and what can be improved, I am all ears.
But if she has taken it as far as wanting to leave rather than working on things together, then I don’t want to be with her anymore.
Going through this now. Absolutely not, if this is how she wants to be she can go.
Nope. My wife threatened me with divorce once years ago in a fight. I told her to bring me papers.
Later, when we talked about it, I told her I’d never accept living under that threat, and though I love her dearly, all she has to do is bring me papers and I’ll sign em.
That was like, 7 years ago. Never heard it since.
A relationship where only one side is putting in effort to make it work is just delaying the inevitable
No, get out if you’re done.
I despise that term “fighting for…” in the context of a relationship. What does it even mean? If she wants to leave, let her go. I’m not “fighting” for someone that doesn’t want to be with me. Especially when “fighting” really means “tolerating the bullshit that I don’t like, when my not tolerating it is the reason she wants to leave”
If it’s at that point it’s already to late. Need to put the effort in before the end, not when it no longer matters.
What exactly is she doing to keep me? Is the better question. Why am I the only one fighting? No one is stopping her from leaving.
Depends. What kinds of skills does she have? Boxing, Muay Thai, MMA? I don’t usually like to fight girls, especially ones I’m romantic with. But I’m not afraid to either.
Is my behaviour the reason for the breaking point? Then yes, potentially I’ll work on it. But that’s not usually the way things work. Why am I the only one expected to be fighting?
I was since we’ve been through a ton together and we have known each other since grade school, but I gave up last night; after 4 years of turbulence.
Depends on the exact situation. If I’ve done something to ruin the relationship, or at least make her feel like I have, then I would do whatever I could.
If she just says “I don’t love you anymore,” then no. Or if she’d rather be with someone else. Partially self-respect, and partially respecting her wishes.
After 20 years, and we’re still friendly this is a misguided question. If you need to ask it’s too late. There’s no fighting to save a relationship. It’s the small battles every day. Mine started as we don’t have a single hobby in common. Years later we still didn’t. It’s tough to let go of something you’ve known your whole life, it’ll shake you to the core, but you’ll learn a lot on that journey, you’ll be stronger than most out there.
Always fight for it. A marriage is not a only a covenant between man and wife but between them and God
I would try to a point. But if she wants to go, I love her enough to let her go. If she comes back, she will be more committed.
I don’t fight to keep anyone in my life, period. I’ve had some exs tell me they wanted me to chase them when they walked away and I told them I am too grown and too old to chase anyone.
That said, if THEY also want to fight for the relationship, I will fight with them. But I’m not fight FOR them.
No, you can’t make her love you, and you can’t make her stay faithful. Save yourself.
Yes id do it again. I’d admit my mistakes, go to therapy, get sober, say “im sorry”, and earn her forgiveness every single fucking day she’s with me because she’s worth it. A woman who stays with you to your breaking point is rare, one that will stay long past it is even rarer.
I have learned the hard way that when someone doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean you fight harder.
If we couldn’t communicate and resolve issues…there is no point in fighting.
When I was younger and stupid, I wasted a lot of years trying to make relationships work, that weren’t worth saving.
If a woman wants to leave you, let her go. Depending on her reasons, it’s pointless to try to convince a woman to stay with you when she thinks she would be happier without you in her life. Keeping her may just make you feel miserable.
Absolutely yes, but I also have my limits. I let my ex leave without a fight because she let us all know she was miserable for a while. She let us know he hated us all and I didn’t see a reason to keep her trapped in her own hell.
Been with mine 42 years married 40 next Spring. Im so over it you dont even know.
Id love to be done.
Still love her but not IN LOVE WITH HER ANYMORE.
I wouldn’t call it fighting. I would call it compromising. Would I compromise? Hell yes. Up to a point.
There’s no human being on the planet I would fight if they wanted to leave. You want it, you go
From my experience, I was disrespected not only by her, but by her family. Also, being told to get a girlfriend and get her pregnant was a spit in the eye too. Lastly, being asked to leave while prior saying that we can work it out was the last straw aside from discovering lie after lie.
I’m not saying that this applies to you, but these are the reasons why I won’t fight anymore. There is no reason why you spend over 10 years trying to meet an over demanding insides relationship that enough is enough.
Depends on the reason behind the choice. If she is doing it because she thinks I can do better, or she has a terminal illness and doesn’t want me to feel sad from her passing then absolutely. If she does so to explore other options or ‘needs space’ then no, she made that choice and gets to keep it.
I tried begged pleaded and gave in to her demands. It didn’t do anything but name me depressed and an alcoholic. So no fuck that, if she said I’m leaving I would pack her shit. Homie don’t got time fer dat.
If she is at a point she already wants to leave, let her. Both of you have to put in effort to solve problems, not just the man has to fight for it
Grab your shit and GTFO. Men should never chase after a woman. It portrays us as being weak.
I would never want to be the “runner up” or second choice.
I stated up front when we were talking about it that I wanted to keep fighting for it because it was worth it, but when we had the conversation it was clear it was untenable so we just went back to being friends. Forcing the issue wasn’t going to make it better and all it would do is make us angry and resentful over trying to save something that wasn’t working.
No, because if she doesn’t appreciate all that I do for my partner, I’m sure I can find someone who will. I have way too much respect for myself to play games.
Working on the basis for a better relationship yes. But that’s self-work we do all the time already.
Relationships that derail do so because despite the self-work on both sides, they don’t work out.
The last thing anyone should do is ignore that and make unsustainable behavior changes just to cover that fact up.
in short: no, i wouldn’t, because by then we’re past the point of no return.
Shit. I did. I wanted to save my family. Broke my will and pride attempting to. I won’t even get into all of the outcome, but leave it at I believe I’m a safe “friend” until she finds her “soul mate.” Then I’m pretty sure I’ll be forgotten like an alzheimers 20th reunion.
Naw. The second I have to see it as “fight” then I’m out. I’m not forcing anyone to be with me if it’s not genuine.
I mean I would but I also wouldn’t trust my judgement in such a situation
If they want to end the relationship then you’re long past the point of putting in more effort and changing your behavior. You have to let them go. Learn from that experience for your next relationship so it doesn’t reach that point again.
This isn’t a movie with theatrics and a script. You want a grand gesture or declaration of love, and you’ll probably be waiting forever.
If you aren’t happy in a relationship and your partner isn’t or doesn’t want to fulfill whatever you think is missing, move on.
She’s either checked out, and it’s over. Which means there’s no point in trying. Or she’s using it as a test, which means no pointing, trying.
Uh. fight for me
I dont even know what that means. So probably not.
This is too open ended and subjective to really say one way or the other, there’s no yes or no answer I’d be satisfied with here, and there’s a lot of social aspects to this that can really swing things.
In general, giving up on a relationship ‘easily’ is a poor quality, especially in the modern day of app dating and the commodification of relationships, but on the other hand, recognizing key differences and moving on decisively, is a good thing. But who decides which is which? It’s very subjective.
You speak to a more specific quality of a relationship where the woman feels the man is hurting her, and assuming it’s emotional pain, that just doesn’t speak much to the cause of this. Yes, working on things together to figure out how to deal with differences is a crucial part to a relationship, but some differences are irreconcilable and others are unreasonable. If a vegan woman dates a non vegan man, and says that him eating meat is causing her emotional harm, that’s a pretty major ask that a lot of guys would not accept. But some would. And this question becomes entirely different depending on how the local culture views eating meat.
On the other hand, if the man is constantly making digs at the woman, and she asks him to stop as it hurts to be degraded like that, is that something to be ‘ironed out’? Why are they even together is the question that floats to my mind.
Or perhaps the ’emotional damage’ is from not loading the dishwasher back to front, or spending a lot of time with friends rather than together, and for some reason talking things out just isn’t helping and he just sort of brushes it off.
In general though, I would say, you probably should not enter a relationship with the idea that the partner will change.
I did.
It dawned on me after about a week that she had been planning this for some time and had already made her mind up. I must have looked like a damn fool for that week.
I’ll fight tooth and nail side by side with my wife, and It”=’s 20 years we are togeather, constructing, and challenging, sometimes annoying, BUT as a unit.
I have ONE limitation: respect. I’ll not tolerate disrespect. (created a bit of friction at the beginning of our couple, but it worked)
So blattend disrepect and I’m gone
Threat of divorce, and I’m gone
“a break” and I’m gone.
I’ll not fight for someone “half” in
no cuz I’m gay
Yea I did. Went very bad. But I’d do it over all again, for at least now I can rest, secure that I tried my best.