I have a new friend I’ve recently been getting closer to for the past year. She lives with her boyfriend and is debating breaking up with him apparently despite recently making plans to move forward with marriage etc. She has been asking to stay with me for “not that long” to get space from him but I’m confused why she needs a place to stay and don’t understand her intentions since she is planning on moving out anyway and trying to get an apartment with one of our other friends. Is it wrong I don’t want to let her stay over? I could see if it was maybe a bad or abusive situation but I’m just confused at why someone would do this. It sounds like she should just break up with him. Am I missing something? What could this mean?
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I would not, no. If she needs a place to stay she can rent a hotel or get her own place. My questions would center around possible domestic abuse and there is no way you want to get in the middle of that scenario.
No.
I’ve been burned so many times by situations like this so hard no. But if you enjoy the friendship maybe extend the offer of having her come for a meal now and then. Just tell her you enjoy your space and let that be that.
If you’re not comfortable with it, you should trust your gut. She’s not in danger (that she’s communicated) nor in a dire financial strain. If she’s needing space she should ask a best friend or get a hotel/Airbnb for a week but that’s a HUGE ask for someone you just met.
The fact that she’s asking someone she hasn’t known that long if she can crash with them makes me think one of two things.
Her judgment isn’t great/she’s not aware how much of an overstep this is, in which case you don’t want a roommate with poor judgment and boundaries.
Her more long-term/established friends won’t let her stay with them, in which case they probably know something you don’t.
You already have your answer, don’t change it. Why would she ask a new friend and not someone she already knows for a while?
There are so many ways in which it can go wrong and once she is inside your house, it’s going to be more difficult to get her out.
I would not do this
I agree you shouldn’t do this. Pro tip: always agree on a solid departure date with house guests. “Not that long” is subjective.
You want someone who is struggling to articulate boundaries with their fiancé/future fiancé to move in with you???
Exercise your own healthy boundaries and say no but offer to help her move and/or search for a place if you’re feeling like doing that.
She will be much better off processing this on her own, in her own space.