Listen to that one song that actually lets me feel something, lay in relative silence while it plays, and focus on my breathing until my last exhale, while my final words to death would be, “What took you so long?”
I saw this meme yesterday and whoever wrote: “I’ll message 10 of my friends to message 10 people or else I will die,” has the perfect way to spend my last 5 minutes. Except I’ll just message a bunch of people in blocks of 10 with the chain mail “or else I’ll die.” It will be at least 100 people on my Facebook and then my “sudden passing” will be tagging my account on Facebook. I’ll be sure to have the obituary say that “my so called friends did not pass the message to at least 10 people. sad panda.”
I would like to lay close with my wife and my dogs. That’s it. You can take me now if that’s my number. I just want close with my person and my animals before I go, if that’s my lot.
You can be like my great-aunt. My dad walked into her hospice room after not having seen her for many years. Asked her how she was doing. She answered “Bah. People are all just a bunch of fucking assholes” and promptly died.
If I had five minutes left, I’d hold the hands of the people I love most, thank them for being my home in this life, say everything I never said enough — “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I’m at peace.” And I’d probably sneak in one last joke, just so they remember me smiling
I would hope that my deathbed would be on the summit, or as close to it a possible, of a mountain. Big or small it doesn’t matter so long as it’s away from the noises of cars, trains, planes, etc. Just the quiet and the cool mountain breeze. I’d lay in my grave, no damned box for me, then I’d listen to and sing Warduna’s Lyfjaberg until I pass away
‘I’m sorry I have to leave you so soon. I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Your the best parents I could ever ask for, you both taught me how to be an adult and nurtured me like a friend. Thank you for sticking with me through all the difficult times, I love you both very much” is what I would say to my parents. Sadly my friends are kinda far out without a car and the other one is in another state, but I’d probably send them a similar text or ask my parents to before I passed.
I’d spend those five minutes making sure the people I care about know exactly how much they meant to me. No small talk, just real words — gratitude, love, peace. And maybe one last inside joke to leave them with a smile instead of a tear.
If that’s me in my current situation, and my impending end is an absolute certainty ?
I know that a lot of my friends and family are going to suffer, that’s a given. Bummer.
But also, there’s this wonderful girl I like very, very much and already half confessed to I had feelings for her, but this was recent and nothing came of it for now ; and I am unsure she harbors similar feelings for me.
I am not a believer, but I would pray to every goddamn possible deity that she doesn’t feel for me half of what I feel for her. I told her that I don’t want to ever make her suffer, and that would make me a liar in the most awful of ways 🙁
You will do nothing. The grim reality of death is that you will likely be unconscious for many hours/days before you start to die. You think you’ll have time for goodbyes and all that but you won’t. In your last 5 minutes you will be taking one gasping breath a minute. The end.
“I’ve buried 50,000 dollars under the place with 50 names yet only the 3rd matters. The L marks the spot.” What that means I don’t know but I will get a chuckle even if it’s me laughing at my own joke/prank.
“I remember when some men is black suits and shades knocked on my door in 2036. I remember a flash of light and then suddenly I remember the words “have a good day Mr ___.”
If I’m on my deathbed, and I’m like about to fucking expire, and all I have left to say is to cuss Tron out, I don’t think I’m gonna say “Tron Funkn Blow”
Call my child(ren), tell them how proud I am of them just the way they are, they will forever be my greatest accomplishment, and tell them my lawyer’s contact information. Again.
I would just hug my wife, and hold my soon to be child and just enjoy the moment. Tell her how much I love her and that I would find her again in the next life or what ever happened next.
OH GOD THERE IS NO HEAVEN! ITS ONLY HELL! THE OTHER SIDE! INFINITE DARKNESS! FLAYED SKIN! HATRED FOR ALL ETERNITY! A THOSAND YEARS IN THE SPAN OF SECONDS! DONT LET ME GO BACK! SAVE ME! SAVE ME! Dies for real
I’ve seen this a lot… tell my family I love them. If they aren’t there, tell the people who are taking such good care of me how much I appreciate them.
“I’m a comedian, my whole life I’ve been telling jokes and playing pranks on people. On my death bed I’m going out with the greatest prank ever. I’m gathering all my family around me, and with the last breath of energy in my body, I’m saying… ‘there’s $10M cash buried under’…then just die.”
Family, friends, come closer. An ask reddit post told me I had exactly 5 minutes to say or do something before I die. I have exactly 15 seconds left. Please, come closer. I have one final thing to tell you… I just shit the bed. Dies*
Comments
I know how to outpizza the hut
Browse Reddit
“you guys, ya wanna see something cool?” fucking dies
Call him to say goodbye
Last rites.
Absolutely nothing
Play my guitar.
Listen to that one song that actually lets me feel something, lay in relative silence while it plays, and focus on my breathing until my last exhale, while my final words to death would be, “What took you so long?”
I delete my social networks.
I’d probably say somwthinf silly and dumb like “boobfart.”
“Log me out from facebook” is my last words
Die.
I guess.
Not one person said “repent for my sins” lmao
There is, another….💀
“Thank fuck it’s about to finally be over!”
Do I really have to wait 5 more minutes?
I’m lying on my death bed. Not laying.
The code…. to deactivate…. the bomb…. is…..
Ask for a drink
Nothing much, just look around and be nice to people – I didn’t live the Tao only to waste it in my last five minutes.
I buried a bunch of money at the….cough….🪦
Start ranting, and end with, “if I am wrong, may God strike me down” flatline
I would pull all my loved ones close to me. I would tell each and every one of them how much I loved them, and how special they were to me.
And then, I would tell the setup to a shaggy dog story, dying right before I finished it.
Well, time to log off, see you guys tomorrow
I’d give my wife words of encouragement.
“I know what dirt putin has on trump”
Whisper, “Rosebud.”
hey look its a liopleurodon. Do you guys see the liopleurodon too? its a magical liopleurodon. Its gonna show me the way….
then shut my eyes and pretend i died already
The funny answer is start singing the song that doesn’t end. The real answer is telling my husband I love him one last time.
“Can we get a move on? I haven’t got all day.”
Drink a Mexican Coke
Cuddle my family.
Make sure the person who’s caring for my dog is there to take her with them.
I saw this meme yesterday and whoever wrote: “I’ll message 10 of my friends to message 10 people or else I will die,” has the perfect way to spend my last 5 minutes. Except I’ll just message a bunch of people in blocks of 10 with the chain mail “or else I’ll die.” It will be at least 100 people on my Facebook and then my “sudden passing” will be tagging my account on Facebook. I’ll be sure to have the obituary say that “my so called friends did not pass the message to at least 10 people. sad panda.”
Get a math textbook and write a cryptic note in the margin.
Have a wank.
finally I’m free…..
Redact trump
Simple, ask someone to move me to my lifebed
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Ask them to get a ouija board and stay in touch.
I would pretend I have something to say and just keep pretending to try to say it, then I’d die
Ahhh….finally….
Knowing my brain, obsess over that one thing I could have said differently in some random argument I had many years before.
Show them a neat card trick!
Hug and kiss and console my fiancée and my kids.
Help..?
Listen to Green Man by Type O Negative, it’s about the cyclical nature of death, life and renewal. I find it soothing.
I would tell everyone” I’m coming back” “and I’m coming as an Elephant”
“I’m sorry. I forgive you”. <3
I say “fucking finally.”
Have a bucket nearby and kick it at the end.
May the force be with you
I would like to lay close with my wife and my dogs. That’s it. You can take me now if that’s my number. I just want close with my person and my animals before I go, if that’s my lot.
“Is that all there is?”
Bust my last nut
Smoke a cigarette and have a chat with whomever I select at the time. Or, write a letter and simply vanish.
Can we make it 30 seconds, please.
Take my husband in my arms and kiss him for the rest of my life.
I start a long-ass joke and die before the punch line.
“I left all the money in…”
You can be like my great-aunt. My dad walked into her hospice room after not having seen her for many years. Asked her how she was doing. She answered “Bah. People are all just a bunch of fucking assholes” and promptly died.
I think I could squeeze in a round of Factory.
Alexa play higher by Creed
I hate all of you and I always have I just faked it
“Post all my WIPs, put them up for adoption. [gives AO3 login and password]”
(No chance anyone who might be nearby will understand wtf I’m talking about, but it’s the thought that counts? 😅)
If I had five minutes left, I’d hold the hands of the people I love most, thank them for being my home in this life, say everything I never said enough — “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I’m at peace.” And I’d probably sneak in one last joke, just so they remember me smiling
“Finally”
I would hope that my deathbed would be on the summit, or as close to it a possible, of a mountain. Big or small it doesn’t matter so long as it’s away from the noises of cars, trains, planes, etc. Just the quiet and the cool mountain breeze. I’d lay in my grave, no damned box for me, then I’d listen to and sing Warduna’s Lyfjaberg until I pass away
‘I’m sorry I have to leave you so soon. I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Your the best parents I could ever ask for, you both taught me how to be an adult and nurtured me like a friend. Thank you for sticking with me through all the difficult times, I love you both very much” is what I would say to my parents. Sadly my friends are kinda far out without a car and the other one is in another state, but I’d probably send them a similar text or ask my parents to before I passed.
Whenever I see a question like this I can’t help but think of this web comic. https://xkcd.com/1941/
[I hope this is allowed under this sub’s rules]
can you just end it now for me
Finding out why my mom loved H more than me lmao
“you can find my life savings at the…. the… 💀”
Prob rub one out
“Arch Stanton”
Pray
“It was (insert current president at that time) that paid me to kill……”
Ask for a blowjob and cum one more time
You know, if you’re lying in your bed right now, there’s a non-zero chance you’re lying on your death bed.
I’d waste my 5 minutes with stupid thoughts like that.
Close my eyes and have a 5 minute nap.
The club chaluppa.
I’d spend those five minutes making sure the people I care about know exactly how much they meant to me. No small talk, just real words — gratitude, love, peace. And maybe one last inside joke to leave them with a smile instead of a tear.
If that’s me in my current situation, and my impending end is an absolute certainty ?
I know that a lot of my friends and family are going to suffer, that’s a given. Bummer.
But also, there’s this wonderful girl I like very, very much and already half confessed to I had feelings for her, but this was recent and nothing came of it for now ; and I am unsure she harbors similar feelings for me.
I am not a believer, but I would pray to every goddamn possible deity that she doesn’t feel for me half of what I feel for her. I told her that I don’t want to ever make her suffer, and that would make me a liar in the most awful of ways 🙁
Kill myself
Bitch about why it’s taking so long.
You will do nothing. The grim reality of death is that you will likely be unconscious for many hours/days before you start to die. You think you’ll have time for goodbyes and all that but you won’t. In your last 5 minutes you will be taking one gasping breath a minute. The end.
“Can I interest you in extending your car’s warranty?”
“Before .. cough … before … cough cough … before I go … I just have to tell you, it’s LYING.”
(beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)
Check my Instagram…
“I’ve buried 50,000 dollars under the place with 50 names yet only the 3rd matters. The L marks the spot.” What that means I don’t know but I will get a chuckle even if it’s me laughing at my own joke/prank.
“I remember when some men is black suits and shades knocked on my door in 2036. I remember a flash of light and then suddenly I remember the words “have a good day Mr ___.”
If I’m on my deathbed, and I’m like about to fucking expire, and all I have left to say is to cuss Tron out, I don’t think I’m gonna say “Tron Funkn Blow”
“Siri, play Freebird”
Try desperately to find the words to help my husband move on and live a full life without me.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer……
“I left millions in…”
I say fuck trump and fuck Mormons and their hate
“The money is buried at…”
masturbate
“I hid the treasure in …”
dies
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert t you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkHCf6sjBgo
Cranking one more out and getting that last post nut clarity.
And dying.
Bush Did 9/11
Call my child(ren), tell them how proud I am of them just the way they are, they will forever be my greatest accomplishment, and tell them my lawyer’s contact information. Again.
Let everyone know what i really thought of them lol
Worship Jesus 🙌🏻
Eat a spag bowl
Christ have mercy on me, a sinner.
“It’s in the yard….”
“More meds”
I would just hug my wife, and hold my soon to be child and just enjoy the moment. Tell her how much I love her and that I would find her again in the next life or what ever happened next.
“My family. My dear ones. I’ll do my best to describe the beauty and grace of what is to come”
A few minutes later:
“Oh dear god no! Not that! Anything but that! No! No!!!! Endless torment and ….”
Flatline.
The one piece is… -fucking dies-
Goodbye my dear sweet loved ones..
pretend to die. Wait a few seconds
OH GOD THERE IS NO HEAVEN! ITS ONLY HELL! THE OTHER SIDE! INFINITE DARKNESS! FLAYED SKIN! HATRED FOR ALL ETERNITY! A THOSAND YEARS IN THE SPAN OF SECONDS! DONT LET ME GO BACK! SAVE ME! SAVE ME! Dies for real
If I’m with friends and/or family I’d try to make them laugh. If I’m alone I think I’d jerk off one last time.
Beat off probably,
Sing with feeling: I did it my way.
Get high
I officially retire
“Can a dying man get one last blowjob, please?!?!?!?”
Then I can die for real after my “petite morte.”
Adieu
I love you beyond measure and I know how much you love me. You are, and always have been a beloved [insert spouse, children’s names].
I’d like to do heroin on my deathbed
Take me outside, let me lay on the grass and look at the sky then demand someone sing to me
Probably just enjoy the silence if no one is around
I would just want to sit with whatever family is willing and able to come in a reflective silence
Dream the impossible dream
spend it with my best mate and my godson until the end
“I slayed my own goddamn dragons, and it was a heluva ride”
“See god does drive a flying saucer!!”
I’ve seen this a lot… tell my family I love them. If they aren’t there, tell the people who are taking such good care of me how much I appreciate them.
Smoke a blunt and flatline on my last puff
Rub one out so I’m coming and going. No worries for me about cleanup, I’ll be dead.
I would hope someone has heroin on them so I can try it before I die
Dear Jesus. Forgive my sorry ass. Have mercy on me.
Goon🥀😔
Nah at the 15 minute to death mark I’m gonna listen to The Force of Courage, Galneryus.
I’d start rambling about my view of life and the world, so I can die while spreading my life in a philosophical way
Finally I can be rid of this broken body
Start a Zoom meeting with your boss.
I put on my favorite music, say goodbye to my partner and my brother, and eat ice cream to die with ice cream in my mouth
(I’m writing a will to leave 70% of everything for my cat’s care)
Tell my kid I love him. That’s all that matters.
Pretend to freak out and point towards the door, as if Death himself is standing there
Dictate a brief will, hug and affirm my spouse, and reminisce about good times until I pass
Call Mom, tell her how much I love her, and tell her how much I appreciate everything she did for me.
Let the bodies hit the floor
Stand up drop my pants throw my arms up and yell “PUDDING” then drop dead.😋
The money…. the money is buried..
…under the big W………..
dies
Chocolate
Smoke crack or do some heroin real quick. Can’t become an addict now 🤷🏿♂️
Not me, but a comedian did this bit years ago.
“I’m a comedian, my whole life I’ve been telling jokes and playing pranks on people. On my death bed I’m going out with the greatest prank ever. I’m gathering all my family around me, and with the last breath of energy in my body, I’m saying… ‘there’s $10M cash buried under’…then just die.”
I always thought that was fucking hilarious.
Just hold my husband’s hands tell him love him and it’s time for me to go.
curse anyone who ever wronged me with my last dying breath. That sh*t sticks.
Gimme some chems and I’ll tell you the future
“I’m wondering if my sense of smell came back” and then push really hard to crap myself
Touch my loved one on the shoulder. “Tag, you’re it!”
🪦
I will stop ticking clock
Get anxious because I fucking hate waiting. Just unplug me already.
Disinherit everyone and donate my worldly wealth and possessions to a charity for gay Irish republican made war orphans.
Family, friends, come closer. An ask reddit post told me I had exactly 5 minutes to say or do something before I die. I have exactly 15 seconds left. Please, come closer. I have one final thing to tell you… I just shit the bed. Dies*
One last wank
*fapping intensifies*
Thank my husband for a good life. Tell my kids how much I love them.
“haha yeet.” and then lay there in uncomfortable silence for the rest of the time
Crank my hog one last time, and then wonder what I’ll do with the remaining 3 minutes and 38 seconds
I’ve been trying to reach you…about your car’s extended warranty.
beeeeeeeep
Turn the clock back