“You Can’t Have It Both Ways: The Hypocrisy of Treating Teens Like Adults”

Society can be so hypocritical when it comes to young people and their choices. On one hand, we’re told that if teenagers want to have sex, we should just let them. The argument goes: “They’re going to do it anyway, so just give them the safe sex talk and let them make their own choices. It’s their life, not yours.” Older siblings, parents, or anyone who questions this approach is often labeled as overbearing or judgmental.

But here’s the problem: as soon as something goes wrong—like a toxic relationship, cheating, or regret—suddenly, it’s all about how they’re just kids who don’t know any better. Society flips the narrative from “Let them do what they want” to “They’re too young to take responsibility for that.”

It’s such a contradictory mindset. We’re basically saying that a 15 or 17-year-old is mature enough to make life-altering choices about their body and relationships, but not mature enough to be held accountable when things go sideways. You can’t have it both ways. Either we treat them like adults, holding them accountable and responsible, or we acknowledge that they’re still developing and need guidance before making serious decisions.

Yes, young people should have body autonomy. Absolutely. But that autonomy isn’t without limits. A teenager can’t just walk into a tattoo parlor and get inked without parental consent. They can’t legally drink, vote, rent an apartment, or make financial contracts. Why? Because society understands that they aren’t fully equipped to handle the long-term consequences of those actions.

So why do we make an exception when it comes to sex and relationships? Why do we act like they’re suddenly capable of handling the emotional and social fallout of adult choices? Giving them autonomy over their bodies doesn’t mean saying yes to every decision they make without context or guidance. It’s about helping them understand the consequences, not just giving them free rein and then blaming “youth” when things go wrong.

We can’t keep giving them a pass when it suits us and then turn around and treat them like adults when it’s convenient. If we’re going to encourage autonomy, it needs to come with a clear understanding of responsibility. Let’s stop sending mixed messages and actually teach young people how to make informed, thoughtful choices, rather than just crossing our fingers and hoping it turns out okay.

It’s time to be consistent: either help guide them through tough choices, or be prepared to hold them accountable when those choices have consequences. We owe them honesty, not contradictions.