You Don’t Get a Plus One to a Wedding

r/

Not getting a plus one isn’t an insult. it’s normal. You’re there to support the couple, not to make it your own perfect social outing.

Weddings are expensive, intimate, and planned down to the headcount. You don’t need to bring someone just to avoid being alone for a few hours. 90% or more of the people at that wedding are “certified cool” by the bride and/or groom. You’re literally surrounded by people the people you love also love. Instead of standing in the corner with your significant other or dragging along a random date, it’s actually a perfect opportunity to meet people or catch up.

If you’re in a serious or long-term relationship with your partner? Sure, that’s different. They’re part of your life, the bride and groom likely know them and it makes sense to invite them. But if it’s someone you just started dating or a friend you want as a tagalong? It’s not a personal slight to be invited solo. If you need a human shield just to survive a wedding, it’s a you problem.

Comments

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  2. Dazz316 Avatar

    There’s no right answer to this, it’s what the bride and groom want.

    If they’re happy for you to have a +1 then that’s fine, if they don’t then that’s also fine.

    Exceptions being people who need a carer or something.

  3. zombielicorice Avatar

    It really depends on how the event is designed. Many weddings have couple activities, either geared towards everyone, married people, or unmarried people. So if you are going to have stuff like that at your wedding, having a plus one is just facilitating those activities. But yes in general, the idea that a plus one is socially required is silly.

  4. dhas19 Avatar

    I assume it used to be more common because weddings were cheaper, and it made some those fringe invites without serious partners want to attend and have a good time. Nowadays, $200+ per plate has changed the game, at least for us plebs.

  5. redbullsgivemewings Avatar

    Depends on your relation to the couple. Are you the groom’s brother? Yeah you should get a plus one. Are you a random cousin? No plus one

  6. Acceptable_Fox_5560 Avatar

    I disagree so I upvoted.

    I think if you invite someone like a distant college friend to a wedding, they should get a plus one so they don’t have to travel/attend alone if they don’t know anybody. It’s a party. The more the merrier.

  7. Hipp0damos Avatar

    posted by The Wedding Grinch

  8. AceofSpadesYT Avatar

    Bruh, if you don’t want people to bring a plus one to your wedding, just say so. If others say it’s ok, then it’s their wedding and they can make that decision.

    It’s the same thing with childfree weddings. Some may allow kids; others will not

  9. Frosty-Diver441 Avatar

    Lol having a plus one is standard practice. Of course you can NOT do it that way. But nobody is going to want to come to your lame wedding if they can’t bring a date.

  10. ThePhilV Avatar

    >You’re there to support the couple, not to make it your own perfect social outing.

    This mindset is the problem with wedding culture. The couple doesn’t need “support”. They are not going through a difficult or trying time. They’re throwing a party to make sure that everyone knows they signed a contract. The whole “support” notion of a wedding is designed to guilt trip people into doing whatever the couple demands, regardless of the cost to those being demanded of. A party is a social event, not a tribulation, and therefore, guests should be allowed to ask to bring someone with them, especially if they won’t really know many other people there. It is literally a social event.

    >You don’t need to bring someone just to avoid being alone for a few hours.

    What am I doing there if I’m going to just be sitting awkwardly in a corner for a few hours being ignored by a bunch of people I don’t know? “it’s actually a perfect opportunity to meet people or catch up.” Oh so you mean a social event? What of people who are socially awkward or have a disability and can’t just socialize the way you do?

    If you don’t want to have plus ones at your wedding, that’s fine, but you do not get to be upset with people for not wanting to attend. A wedding invitation is not a summons.

  11. Two-Pump-Chump69 Avatar

    Finally. A legitimate unpopular opinion. Take my upvote.

  12. Aequinoctis Avatar

    > If you’re in a serious, long-term relationship or living with your partner? Sure, that’s different. 

    This is the traditional etiquette, before the bad idea of random tag-alongs became popularized. As one etiquette guide put it, the inviter needs to do the work to know the invitee sufficiently well to know if they have a life partner or not, and then invite that person by name if they do.

  13. Snake_Eyes_163 Avatar

    You can invite whoever you want, but a good way to make sure someone does NOT show up to your wedding is to invite only them without a date or friend, especially if they don’t know anyone there.

  14. Uhhyt231 Avatar

    I am always confused on how people can’t go to a friend or family event and make a friend. Like sit at the singles table and talk to people

  15. Melgel4444 Avatar

    If the wedding is local that’s one thing, I do believe it’s rude to make guests travel out of state alone and stay in a hotel room alone. It’s expensive and lonely.

    My wedding was 2-3 hours away for everyone so I gave every guest +1

    It made the seating arrangements way easier bc people already had a friend with them so I could put them at a table they didn’t know many people

    I also knew every guest would have a good time without my super thinking about it bc they’d have a friend

  16. Azerate2016 Avatar

    I’ve never seen a wedding invite without a plus one in my country, maybe it’s a thing somewhere but not where I live certainly.

  17. chief_n0c-a-h0ma Avatar

    Also…most people don’t really want the hassle of going to your wedding.

  18. Dexterdacerealkilla Avatar

    You should want your guests to enjoy themselves. They may even bring a friend rather than a significant other. If you can’t account for your guests comfort and enjoyment, you’ve already exceeded your means and need to scale back either your guest list or another part of the wedding. 

    Wedding culture is so toxic. Not prioritizing your guests experience makes you a bad host. 

  19. United-Plum1671 Avatar

    Cool and the flip side is, the bride and groom don’t get to be upset when someone doesn’t attend their wedding because of it. I wouldn’t bother with a wedding where my husband wasn’t invited to as well

  20. Rude-Illustrator-884 Avatar

    I agree. Weddings can be expensive and the couple shouldn’t be obligated to spend that much money on somebody they’re only meeting that night and possibly never again. I’d also be worried that I don’t know this person or if they’re going to be a problem that night, especially with an open bar which is becoming pretty common and expected at weddings. I have way too many experiences with people ruining the night because they’re drunk, and I wouldn’t want that on my wedding night.

  21. LiveTillYouDie Avatar

    “You don’t need to bring someone just to avoid being alone for a few hours.”

    “You’re literally surrounded by people the people you love also love”

    Is this written by a robot? Or some extroverted asshole who doesn’t understand how other people work

  22. Single_Waltz395 Avatar

    Oh man.  This is a good one.  Speaking as a person who is anti-social and a massive introvert, if I have to go alone to a wedding, I’m not going.  Sorry, don’t care how close we are. I support you but I’ll send a gift and stay home.

    But speaking as someone who IS married, and had endless fucking problems with people wanting to bring a “plus one”, but not confirming until the last second, and causing problems with our catering because it was a service meal and we had to pay per person…these assholes cost me a good chunk of money.  What happens is they say they will bring someone, so you pay for extra food and arrange seating and table a certain way, then they no show.  They show up single anyway.  

    So I can see both sides of this issue.

  23. No-Stretch-9230 Avatar

    90% or more are certified cool? 90% of my wedding guests were family, most not cool. Maybe certifiable though!

  24. StriderHiryuR81 Avatar

    Isn’t that the standard? If you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, of course you’re expected the +1. When you’re single, you get a lone invite, and have to request a +1 if you need it.

  25. FknKalin Avatar

    Thank you.

    When I got married, our venue had really strict limitations on capacity.

    We offered plus ones to 2 groups of people: those in actual relationships (whether or not they were married) and those who truly did not know other guests.

    The point was not to punish anyone, but was a necessary decision to honor our contract with the venue and to keep the cost within our budget.

    I don’t think people who haven’t been married realize that everything you bring in, you will pay for. Every guest means:

    Chair
    Food
    Place setting
    Drinks
    Space at a table (more people, more tables, more tablecloths, more centerpieces etc etc)

    Even if your venue includes these items, there will be a flat fee per head. Usually $100+. It’s not ever just one person’s date, it’ll be many people’s dates- and if it’s not someone’s actual partner, it’s usually someone the couple doesn’t even know.

    Genuinely feel that if it’s a problem not to bring a stranger to a friend’s wedding then maybe you just RSVP “no”.

    🤷🏻‍♀️

  26. NooktaSt Avatar

    I disagree. I gave my single friends and family members a plus one. I kinda guessed they wouldn’t bring a random tinder date or a friend along as they all would know others there but wanted to leave open the opportunity for them to perhaps bring someone who they had just started dating. As much as I thought I knew they were single things change and wanted to give them that choice. 

  27. SpartanFishy Avatar

    I’m blown away to see the people disagreeing with this. How is this an unpopular opinion??

    “Don’t invite me to your wedding unless you’re willing to pony up hundreds more dollars so I can bring a guest of my own.”

    Like, what?

  28. Squigglepig52 Avatar

    I’m more likely to skip a reception than the ceremony if I’m solo.

    Nothing like only knowing the bride and groom at a big reception.

  29. specifichero101 Avatar

    I think this mindset is why weddings are a huge drag. If you’re inviting a bunch of people to attend a party, act like you want them to enjoy themselves.

  30. Violet351 Avatar

    If you are inviting someone that doesn’t know anyone there it’s crappy not to give them a plus one.

  31. GerFubDhuw Avatar

    As always with these wedding posts. You’re free to make your rules but an invitation isn’t an obligation. 

  32. DeHarigeTuinkabouter Avatar

    A random date and your steady girlfriend are very different things. The former is basically never an option here in the Netherlands

  33. Competitive_Fun8555 Avatar

    Just a perfect reason to not attend.

  34. CFD330 Avatar

    I’ve been invited to probably around 10 weddings in my life; never have I not been invited to bring a date.

    I don’t think your claim that not getting a plus one invite is ‘normal.’ In fact, it seems to be pretty abnormal.

  35. T-Flexercise Avatar

    I think I agree, but it also goes both ways. A wedding is a celebration of a joining of families and friend circles, you’re expecting to have a fun party where a major part of it is meeting and socializing with the other side of the couple’s community you don’t know. I almost always RSVP to weddings without a plus one, unless I’m traveling to get to the wedding and my partner is somebody known to the social circle that’s going to be at this wedding.

    But, weddings aren’t just to support the couple. They are giant parties that you hosting where you’re the guest of honor. And when you host a party, you should be making decisions with the goal of your guests having a good time. This isn’t a fun day for you that other people get to come to. This is a fun day you are throwing for your loved ones, in celebration of you and your union.

    So you should be inviting people to your wedding with the goal that everybody has a good time. So if you’re inviting people from the bride’s local sports team, they might have a much better time if you invite 10 people from the team with no plus ones and seat them at the same table than they would if you invited 5 sports friends with plus ones. But if you’re trying to invite your best friend from college who has since moved 4 states away who knows none of the people you hang out with now, it’s probably kinder to invite her with a plus one, and make sure to seat her with people you know she’s going to have fun with, rather than expecting her to fly across the country to celebrate you alone, while you’re too busy to entertain her on her visit. Whatever your budget is, you should be setting the guest list (including plus ones or not) based on how you’re going to give the people closest to you who want to celebrate you a good evening in celebration of you.

  36. Summoning-Freaks Avatar

    Eh I’ve been to weddings alone and some with out a plus 1.

    Being alone isn’t much of an issue when you’re seated and talking before the procession starts or when you’re eating, because small talk can be made, memories of the wedding couple shared etc(provided the couple did the work of placing solos together and not seating 1 random at a table full of people who know one another).

    But for the reception part with the dancing and everyone’s vibing, it helps multitudes to have someone you know there. Most people aren’t going to get goofy and dance all night (especially if it’s slow dances) if they don’t know anybody there. The few weddings I attended where not many had a plus 1, people started filtering out earlier than the weddings with plus1.

    I think the married couple need to think about what kind of a wedding reception they want, and do the intelligent work to obtain it. And then make peace with the outcome.

    But don’t imagine yourself having an all-nighters of a reception with people being merry until dawn if you only invited family and a bunch of people who don’t know one another.

  37. katfin1 Avatar

    For local wedding, yes. But for out-of-town/destination wedding, no.

  38. kelleybellybean Avatar

    Yes and no- but we also actively went through every person on our list to make sure they would have a good time. Friend from states away that only knows her parents and mine? Plus one. Single guy who’s been a part of the same friend group since high school and half of them are single too? No plus one. I think in the end only one guy’s gf was mad we didn’t invite her, but they had also just started dating when we sent out invitations and he was part of the big high school friend group.

  39. SleepyJeans5 Avatar

    This may be the first actual unpopular opinion I’ve seen in this sub!

  40. Xokanuleaf Avatar

    It really is funny the sudden increase of wedding posts right at the end of May going into June. Wedding season really is a thing and I think it’s hilarious. Usually I try to give OP’s on this sub the benefit of the doubt and not assume that whatever subject they’re posting about isn’t happening to them irl but it’s just too hard to ignore. The sudden spike in posts during the summer that are anti-wedding, anti-marriage, anti-relationships is not a coincidence. This is such a trivial thing to be upset about. If it’s not your wedding then why do you care?

  41. 101bees Avatar

    As someone who’s had to send out invitations to my own wedding, it was way easier to just include a +1 by default instead of figuring out who all was single and who wasn’t. You want to bring a friend, coworker, your grandmother? Fine. The money I spent on the caterer is the same.

  42. Echo-Reverie Avatar

    I fully agree. Don’t bring a date you’ve known for a week or couple months.

    Long term partners/spouses only. That gets my vote.

  43. DieSuzie2112 Avatar

    Ive never heard of a plus one outside of America. So I agree, because a plus one is a very weird concept for me

  44. Extension-Coconut869 Avatar

    People are missing that the author is arguing your brand new BF/gf should not be a plus one. They agree that a spouse or long-term partner is a plus one.

    Almost everyone agrees a married person gets a plus one. The gray area is whether you give someone a plus one if they’ve only been dating someone a month

  45. activationcartwheel Avatar

    Some people are pathologically afraid of doing anything alone.

  46. saintash Avatar

    When my step brother got married. I didn’t have a +1.

    They sat me at the kid’s table. And no one talked to me all night. Not even like couple who I was there “to support”

    I supported the shit out of my brother by Doing a 1000 errands. Taking his out of country family who didn’t speak a word of fucking english around for a month.

    And I wasn’t even talked to at the entire wedding by anyone.

  47. GiantTeddyGraham Avatar

    I went to a wedding this year that they did not give me a plus 1 but throughout the night there were at least 6 different moments where they did the whole “grab that special someone and join us on the dance floor.” It was honestly classless and felt like a slap in the face. I’ve made a rule for myself moving forward that if I am invited to a wedding without a plus 1, I wont be attending unless its someone who I consider a truly very close friend

  48. I_ask_why_ Avatar

    I’ve never been to a wedding.

    What if I get like a -1? What do I do then?

  49. JuJuJooie Avatar

    AND you don’t get to bring your stupid kids unless their names are listed on the invitation.

  50. Kimolainen83 Avatar

    I don’t expect it but it would be weird if I didn’t

  51. macbookvirgin Avatar

    Then I’m not coming lmfao

  52. CreamDistinct5475 Avatar

    Yo bro, I’m tryin to fuck too.

  53. CeeCeeOct23 Avatar

    I would go so far as to say the whole “plus 1” concept is problematic. If it’s a couple, the invitation should be addressed to both of them, if both of them are being invited. If it’s not a couple, then the invitation is being extended to a single person. I think I was in at least my late 20s before I had ever heard of this plus 1 concept.

    I personally know 3 couples who met each other when they attended weddings without a plus 1.

  54. toothbrush81 Avatar

    This isn’t unpopular. This is a decision all make when planning weddings. It’s only unpopular to the ignorant single folks who think their 2 week old fling deserves you to pay $110 for their meal selection and another $200 for more wine and beer for the other freeloaders. Screw em.

  55. redditsunrise Avatar

    This. A few family members wanted to bring a friend (not a significant other) to my wedding. Huh? You literally know most people here because they’re related to you, why are you asking to bring your friend to an event where you’ve known most people since birth? Like, I’m 100% sure you’ll find someone to talk to and dance with. I’m not footing this expensive bill so your friend (who likely won’t bring a gift or sign the guestbook) can have a free night out on the town.

  56. AricAric18 Avatar

    This is unpopular? If your +1 isn’t invited, don’t bring them. A wedding isn’t a public event unless the couple want it to be. You’re extremely rude and entitled if you show up to a wedding you weren’t invited to.

  57. ieatpossums Avatar

    I feel like this is a perfectly acceptable take. Especially taking money in to account.

  58. freckledclimber Avatar

    I feel like this might be an American thing? In my country its totally normal to not give someone a plus one unless their SO is also part of the couples’ life?

    My partner and I both have been invited to weddings solo without being expected that we could bring eachother along, if anything it would be weird for her/I to meet eachothers family friend/colleague for the first time at their wedding

  59. getfuckedhoayoucunts Avatar

    Im always sat at the naughty table and it’s great fun. I’ve never expected a plus one

  60. Felaguin Avatar

    I didn’t realize this was an unpopular opinion, seems like common sense to me. Weddings are expensive and no one has any right to impose a large bill on the bride and groom. They get to invite who they want to be present and can pay for.

  61. akamikedavid Avatar

    I’ll do you one better and say even the serious, long-term relationship or living with partner doesn’t even get a free pass. If the venue space is tight and there are other obligatory invites like one side has a big family, then that long-term or live-in partner better know the bride and/or groom well too. My sister just had her wedding a couple weeks ago and she didn’t invite two of her high school friends husbands because she’d only met them once or twice and the partners never really made a big effort to try to connect with my sister. So when it came time for the wedding, the partners weren’t invited.

  62. dankp3ngu1n69 Avatar

    I mean I think this is completely legitimate

    As a long-term single person, I was never given a plus one to any wedding I attended

    Why would they want me bringing a random person that I’m dating to their wedding? I 100% agree with you

  63. PrimevilKneivel Avatar

    Two of our single friends connected at our wedding and they just celebrated their 25th anniversary

  64. StOnEy333 Avatar

    If my girl got invited to a wedding and didn’t get a plus one I would be like “Hell yeah! Have fun!”

  65. mcdonaldsfrenchfri Avatar

    I never understood seeing on dating apps “looking for a date to a wedding in X” and it’s like why would I want to go to that? why would anyone??

  66. PerfectCap8756 Avatar

    Shouldn’t be unpopular but my step dad (only parental figure I had left) hasn’t talked to me since my wedding over a year ago when I wouldn’t let him bring a sugar baby that I haven’t met to my micro wedding

  67. h0tel-rome0 Avatar

    Wouldn’t it be more fun going single anyway knowing there will be other singles there and stuff happening…

  68. Asleep_Fish Avatar

    Totally agree. Not everything is about your comfort! Just go and support your loved one

  69. jlreyess Avatar

    This is not unpopular. It’s how it works…

  70. dontcallmeyan Avatar

    If the couple doesn’t know your partner exists, you don’t get a +1. They don’t need to be friends or even acquainted, but they should be aware of their existence.

  71. Noonewantsyourapp Avatar

    We married earlier than most of our friends, and used the following guides:

    • Married get to bring partner
    • Partner that we had met (at the time of writing the guest list) +1

    If you’re not married and we’ve never met them, no plus one. We made two exceptions:

    1. A bridesmaid who was travelling halfway around the world to attend got to bring her partner of over a year because we hadn’t had the opportunity to meet him. Plus paying for him to fly out means they committed more to the endeavour than we did.
    2. One old friend who knew literally nobody else attending.
  72. Spare-Magazine6223 Avatar

    I wasn’t going to upvote it becayse I was like “I agree. But I don’t think it’s unpopular”  but looking at the comments I think people do find it unpopular lol so here is an upvote

  73. Little_Resort_1144 Avatar

    I had a small wedding (~15 people). It was initially just going to be family (about 10 ppl), but we ultimately ended up inviting a few friends. I invited 3 and my husband invited 2. All friends have partners (married) and none were invited. Had we invited partners, we only could’ve each invited 1 friend + partner (4 total). Having no plus 1’s allowed us to invite 5 friends total. None of our friends cared one bit 🤷🏼‍♀️

  74. Situational_Hagun Avatar

    I’m sure it’s a regional / cultural thing but I’ve never been to a wedding where you weren’t kind of practically expected to bring someone.

  75. RevealTrain Avatar

    Made a rule plus ones had to be married

  76. LGfunk Avatar

    It’s insane this is an unpopular opinion.

    1. Who wants to look out on their wedding day and see a bunch of strangers?? Any other party, sure. But most wouldn’t want to be meeting people for the first time/doing awkward small talk on one of the most special celebrations of their lives.

    2. People arguing about their significant other/spouse being excluded: if your partner doesn’t know the bride & groom well enough to be invited too, you really aren’t that close to the couple anyway. How can you consider someone a good friend that doesn’t know your partner?