I was out running errands, lost in thought, just trying to get through the day. As I walked past a man, he looked at me and said, “You should smile more, it would look much better on you,” with a stupid smile on his face like he was giving me genuine advice.
I stopped, turned to him, and said, “I just got back from identifying my sister’s body. She was murdered last night.”
His face went pale. His mouth opened, then closed like he was searching for words, but nothing came out. He just nodded awkwardly and practically ran away.
I don’t actually have a sister. But the entitlement some people have to dictate a stranger’s emotions is infuriating. You have no idea what someone is dealing with, and assuming they owe you a smile is just ignorant and selfish. Maybe next time, he’ll think twice before telling someone how they should feel.
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Good one. Some men pull this crap. It’s appallingly sexist.
Hahaha yesssss! I know he’s not walking around demanding that other men rearrange their expressions to look better. The audacity.
That’s even better than the response I get when telephone marketers ask for my late husband. I started just bluntly saying, “He’s dead.” There is some heeing and hawing and apologies and condolences. But, he gets fewer junk calls since I started doing it. I hate scammers.
100%. You can bet he/they don’t go around telling other men to “smile”. Women don’t owe men smiles, nor pleasant looks on our faces, etc.
It’s the “you must be attractive to me because a woman’s only purpose is to be accessories for men” attitude.
Such crap. If women started saying, “you should work out, you’d be so much more attractive.” to all the beer-gutted asshats out there the sky would probably fall.
EDIT: I really didn’t expect this comment to garner this much attention! Thank you for the upvotes.
I would like to add that I actually meant “say to all the beer-gutted asshats who tell women to smile.”
I like a dad bod. I think they’re sexy, and I would never say this to a dude who wasn’t being a douche. (I wouldn’t say it, ever, but I’d like to be that brave.)
Also, to the men who said that women have said “smile,” or “you should work out” to them: ok? Your point? The “smile” comment from men is sexist bullshit that women hear all the damn time. Your singular experience with a woman does not negate or diminish the collective experience of women. It’s akin to saying, “but Susie in accounting makes more than I do,” when the conversation is about the wage gap. Yes, individual situations vary. The problem is bigger than your personal ken.
You should mind your own business more sir 🙄
I like “I’m in the second day of making funeral arrangements. Can you loan me $2000?”
That’s related to the people who are convinced somebody murdered a spouse because he/she didn’t sound upset enough on the call to 911.
An intern at work (young enough to be my son) pulled this one on me. “Smile, it can’t be that bad.” I turned to him and said, “Yes, it can. My father died last week.”
This was indeed the case. It was my first day back to work after his funeral.
Oh I sympathise and love the way you dealt with him. I have a resting bitch face and have had blokes say much the same thing to me when I was younger. It’s so insulting
During the height of the pandemic I would cringe whenever a boomer male would ask a woman to pull down her mask so he could see her smile. fuck. off.
Oh I’m borrowing this. I’ll return it when I’m done I promise!
And why does this only seem to happen to women and girls?
Good for you. That’s just the underhand way to say say ‘do something to make yourself more attractive’.
Idiot.
I have started responding to “give me a smile” with “glasgow or boston?”
OMG I wish I would have thought of something like that when I was serving.
They stop that when you start to get gray hair.
Another good one would be “I was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Again.“
I once read a story about a guy who went into the florist’s shop to buy a bouquet for his girlfriend. Someone’s in trouble, the guy at the counter said. Yeah, the customer replied. My friend can’t get out of his fucking coffin. The look on the man’s face was said to be priceless.
You should talk less, you’d sound smarter.
Glad you put this asshole in his place. Imagine the entitlement of thinking they can tell a complete stranger to smile.
What do you think the reply of men like this would be if another man walked up to them and asked to be pretty for them?
Some years ago I walked into a car dealership (with my husband, if that matters.) One of the salesmen walked up to us, and the firt thing he said to me was “Smile.”
I kept walking, went around him toward the office, and asked for a different salesman. And yes, we bought a car. I’m betting he never did that again. 😁
Some guy told me to smile once. I told him I had just found out my mom had been diagnosed with cancer. She hadn’t been, but it sure shut that guy down.
Someone pulled the “you should smile” comment on me. I gave him such a creepy smile, he begged me to stop.
The last time someone pulled that on me, I said “I just left the memorial service for the love of my life”. Unfortunately, this one was true. I enjoyed when we all were wearing facemasks because it stopped that nonsense.
Go tell another man to smile and see how that works out.
Had this a while back, told the man he’d be much prettier if he lost half his body weight.
I’m a man with a similar problem, I look permanently angry and scary. People jerk back in fright if I speak to them. Only when I smile like a maniac do they relax. Or they assume I’m a male Karen, about to go on a tirade about them watering their plants…..I’ve had the ‘Cheer up’ thing too.
“Shutting the fuck up would look even better on you.”
I was on a train when a man said “ you should wear some makeup, I like women who wear a little makeup”. I said “ you should stop talking, I like men who shut the fuck up”.
I love you so fucking much for this.
This was said to me and a group of friends when we were still in school there were about 7 of us.
I replied “You should stop talking, it will make you more attractive.”
And while he’s figuring out what to say my friend jumps in and says “….. Actually noooo. It doesn’t. How sad.”
Like packs of teenagers are scary, you don’t approach them when they are together.
Dumbass (said in Jennifer Coolidges voice).
I received a nice lecture from a Bartender once about that same phrase. Basically said, “You have no IDEA what My day is like, and I may not want to smile. Women really don’t like being told to smile.” It was a big eye opener for Me.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
He SHOULD think twice next time …
… but of corpse he won’t.
Omg I love you. I have resting bitch face and I’m really sensitive to light and tend to squint a lot when its bright. If I’m not wearing my glasses I tend to squint even more, especially when people are talking so I can read their lips (old too-much-bass-in-my-face probs). The comments I’ve gotten. Omg. Can’t help it. I too don’t have a sister, but I plan on having one that just died next time someone has the gall.
Then you couldn’t handle being 6’5”. Every time I hear “Did you play basketball?” I always reply with “Yes. Did you play miniature golf?”
I’ve wanted to tell the SMILE guy some version of, “And you’d be more attractive if you minded your own business. Looks like we’ll both be disappointed today.”
But now I’m older so rarely do people care if I smile or not.
A man telling a woman to ‘smile’ is a major red flag for creeps. Mind your fucking business weirdos.
my standard reply : I’ll smile as soon as you leave.
I used to LOVE doing this to male Soldiers when I was in the Army. The range of emotions and responses was truly delicious. Men are NOT socially conditioned to be treated the way women are, nor arw they prepared when the response to this type of “advice” goes sideways.
My default response to “you should smile more” is “say something funny” in the most challenging, aggressive ‘want a piece of me’ way possible.
As a nurse I used to have male patients and family members that I should smile more.
I would reply “I will! Thinking about giving the correct medications is too hard, smiling will be easier!” Then I would smile like a lunatic and and walk away.
I’m practicing “I would smile more if mediocre men didn’t feel the entitlement to tell women to smile”.
One time a snagged toothed redneck had the nerve to say that to me and my sister while we were on vacation in TN. I told him I would smile if he didn’t have so many fucked up teeth. He probably would have hit me if the area weren’t so run over by tourists that day. The smile line is all about dominating women and trying to make them behave the way a man wants. Fork that!
Similar story. Stopped to gas up on my way to my mother right after my father passed away. Attendant said, “Why don’t you smile?” I replied, “My dad just died.” He looked horrified and apologized profusely. I like to think he never said that to anyone again.
That was 35 years ago and that’s how I still respond to that bullshit, every time.
Why someone would think it’s okay to tell a complete stranger to “smile” is beyond me. MYOB, people.
I had a woman come up to me in a bar while I was crying (I was there to tell the bartender – a friend – what had just happened) and say “he’s not worth crying over”
I said “my brother just died”
she looked mortified and promptly booked it away from me. the bartender detested her already and just shook his head in disgust.
as alice in wonderland taught us all.. personal comments are rude.
I really hate that. When I was a child I had alcoholic parents. Our home life was a complete misery. Trash, mold, dirt and sticky stuff everywhere. A lot of shouting, fighting and violence. No food, no money and a lot of times it was hard or impossible to shower, take a piss or cook something. I spent a lot of my time being disgusted, sad, angry, worried, feeling guilty, depressed, hopeless etc. At school I do believe my teachers knew. I mean my dad came drunk to the teacher parent meetings, sometimes didn’t show up at all, and I was always very serious, had too big second hand clothes and reeked of cigarette smoke and other stuff. Instead of helping me they just shouted at me in the corridor “hey! Chin up! Don’t look so sad all the time!” Teachers were constantly commenting on that I should smile more. No one asked why I wasn’t smiling
“You should speak less”.
One time I was at a vape shop & showed the dude my ID. He said “I like you better with black hair.” (My hair is hi-vis orange.) And I said “I liked you better before you said that.” He just stood there like 😦
Smile, you’ll look prettier.
Mind your business, you’ll seem less annoying.
“Sorry, I was just imagining telling some random asshole, who didn’t mind their own business, to fuck off.”
I had some guy mock me for looking sad and said it can’t be that bad, the week that my husband of 22 years left me for another woman.
A girl I once considered dating said this to me (a man) and it instantly turned me off. No more interest, gone, out the window, just lost my respect – now I’m paranoid about my apparent resting bitch face.
The kind of people who say “smile more” don’t know how to actually make people smile. Make a joke, give a compliment or a gift – literally anything else.
“My face does not exist for your pleasure. NEVER say that to another woman EVER AGAIN!” as I stormed at him across the parking lot. My best moment.
Old fella I used to work with told one of the girls she should smile more because she’s prettier when she smiles.
Without skipping a beat she said, “You should smile less, you’d look like less of a creep”
He did deserve it, he was a massive perv that made most of the girls uncomfortable.
When jerks tell me to smile, I tell them we found out my mom has cancer. Which is true, we found out ages ago, and she’s been cancer-free for ten years. I have her permission to use it on assholes forever.
I had an awful manager once while working as a waitress. When he worked, the kitchen employees knew they could get away with harassing us waitresses. So, I was head waitress one night & the kitchen was being just awful. The manager was sitting at the bar playing a game (it was not particularly busy). As I walked past he told me I needed to smile more, especially since I was head waitress. I looked him dead in the face and said, “I’ll smile more when you get off your ass and do your job,” and then walked away. I really expected a write up for that, but never heard a word. Lol.
My dream is to have fake blood capsules in my mouth and have some douche tell me to smile more, then break the blood capsules and smile, just like he wants.
Cant speak for youngers, but older men 50, 60 and beyond are super-glued to the paradigm that they are entitled to an unknown woman’s space as she goes about her daily tasks. I tried to helpfully explain this to an older redditor just two days ago and he STILL thought he was right. They cant be taught. They dont want to let go of the sexist good old days.
I’ve told this story before. My father passed away, and I was running errands for my mother a few days later. Some guy, probably in his 40s or 50s, looked at me and said , “Wow, just SMILE!” and I burst into tears. I still remember the look of shock on his face. I hope it made him think twice the next time.
My mother died when I was 7.5 months pregnant with my daughter. I got the call to come pick up her ashes. I load my toddler into the car, drive over to the funeral home, park, pick up the ashes, and waddle back to the car, ashes in one hand, toddler fist in the other. Then, out of nowhere, a Helpful Dude coming in with advice! ‘Smile’, he says, “you’ll look so much prettier”. I held out the box and said “I’m due in a few weeks and I had to come pick up my mother’s ashes’. He went a bit pale and walked away so fast I thought his ass was going to catch on fire.
I really like saying “say something funny” when men say this to me. Then no matter what they say, I make a buzzer sound and say “nope, not even close” and go about my business.
Living in the city you encounter these men in the wild. I tell them to “dance for me!” If they get confused I clarify “come one perform for me and I’ll do the same for you.” Usually they walk away.
An old guy tried to give me life advice when he saw me kicking the crap out of my bicycle pannier bag at the grocery store.
Then i told him to look inside and when he saw the 3 giant spiders that made a nest in there, which i discovered while trying to load my groceries, he turned around and walked away.
I worked as an office assistant at a college for a while. My desk was fully visible to anyone walking by out in the hall. One day a male student about my age (30s at the time) walked past. I looked up when I saw the movement since it was my job to help anyone who came in, saw that he kept walking, and started to return to my work. But then he walked back a few steps, we locked eyes, and he said, “You should be smiling.”
No, jerk, I don’t owe a smile to anyone, especially not some random guy that happened to walk past my office and isn’t coming in for assistance. I stared at him blankly until he got uncomfortable, put his head down, and walked away.
My wife got whistled to on her way to the ER where I was after a motor accident.
She raged and really fell out against the construction worker who did this. And his colleague facepalmed.
My accident wasn’t that bad but my wife was really worried until she got to see me. We both laughed at this story.
> I don’t actually have a sister.
Well no, not anymore.
This happened to me when I had cancer. Guy said I should ‘try smiling’. I got to hit him with a loud and unapologetic “I have cancer, asshole. Don’t tell me to smile” and obviously that turned a ton of heads, he got bright red, his one sorry came out like he was completely bewildered and couldn’t find anything else to say. He walked straight to self checkout and left immediately.
“I was checking out how fuckable you would be and I noticed that you’d be more fuckable in my imagination if you were smiling”
— what I only realized that men were really saying when I was in my thirties
I forgot what store this happened at but an older lady did this to me a couple weeks after my dad died. She walked up
to me like “You should smile more often” and she was pretty loud so people turned around to look. I just looked at her and loudly said “My dad just died.” Her face went pale and she was just standing there staring at me so I was like “Maybe that’ll teach you to mind your business.” She was so embarrassed she had to leave the store.
The thing is, men never say this to other men, men only say this to women. Is this feeling that they’re entitled to dictate our emotions.
And guys never have to put up with hearing that crap. If I look like a feral wolf, I have reason to. Back off and stay out of my way.
Good on you!