I’m talking about the woman who gave birth to you, raised you, and whose approval you spent years trying to earn. Then one day, as an adult, you’re told to stop calling her “Mom”…because that’s not her name…and instead refer to her by her first name.
Edit: This only applies to you and not to any of your siblings. (I should have put this in initially.)
Would you do it? Would there be fallout from your decision?
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I would do it because it’s what she wants.
Well, she wants me to call her Mom now, but I call her by her first name. So no, I would start calling her Mom again.
What fallout would there be?
My kid uses my name most of the time, the only thing that happens is she gets asked at the airport what I am to her, just in case. It’s usually put very sweetly and sounds harmless enough, but it doesn’t happen when she doesn’t use my name.
Call her by the name she prefers. Moms are entitled to be called by her “self” and not by a job description if she wishes.
If my mom was alive to make that request, I’d do whatever she asked.
I would do what she asks. I might also try to gently talk to her about how she’s feeling, because if she was asking because she was feeling frustrated or sad about a lack of being just “herself”, I’d like to know so we could do more for her to help her feel better!
Yup, Sure…but, be prepared to be called by your first AND middle name!
I would respect her choice. I named my son. My son turned out to be my daughter, and changed her name, which is what I call her. Simple respect.
I would do it, but my mom would never prefer tgat, lol. She loves if I call her mom, or grandma lol!
It’s weird calling your mom Steve, but you can get used to it.
i would find it funny and sometime call her by name and sometimes by saying amma( thats what i call her now )
i already call my mother by her name. i don’t speak to her. she didn’t spend years raising me & i couldn’t care less about her approval. she isn’t a mother to me. she’s the person who gave birth to me.
Nope. I’d feel disrespectful lol
I honestly don’t know.
I think calling my mom by her real name would just add distance to the relationship.
Like is she ashamed of being my mom?
Nope. She fucked my father and I came out of her. She’s mum and will remind her of that.
Will use her first name when throwing a bit of sass in her direction though because it hits different
By the way, I didn’t ask her to give birth to me, so don’t say it like she was doing me a favor. I’d much rather she had refrained. Second, she didn’t do such a good job of raising me, or of protecting me from her sexual predator second husband. Third, I spent all those years seeking her approval because my brain is a human brain, and that’s a natural thing for human children to do. Fortunately when I grew up I realized that her approval is worth less than two shits.
But if I ever see her again — indeed she might be dead for all I know (or care) — I’ll give her the same basic respect I’d give to any other human being, no matter what I think of their garbage character, and call her by the name she requests. It’s basic human decency
I think I’d mostly just be really concerned because that would be so out of character for my mother. I’d comply, but also keep an eye on her to see if something else is going on.
I would call her what she wants to be called, like anyone else who wants to change what i call them. I would want to know why she doesnt want me to call her mom anymore though, maybe some underlying issues she is having she may need help with.
I’d want to know the reason. “mom isn’t my name” is an insufficient reason. But either way, people should be addressed by the name/title they want to be called, within reason.
I’ve always called my mom by her first name. My dad started it when I was a baby and it just stuck. My mom has said it is fine and that it was good in case I got lost in public or authorities needed to know a real name besides mom.
I call my mom a nickname one of her nephews gave her half the time anyway, because it’s adorable and hilarious. She answers to Kiki just the same as mom.
I would, but I’d ask why. Is she going through a midlife crisis?
My mother would never have asked that of me. She hating hearing kids call their parents by first names.
Sure, but I would also worry if our relationship has somehow changed in her eyes. Since such a request would be very much out of character for my mom.
oof course, as you wish, mom.
Sure. It’d be a real fuckin’ crazy dream, since she’s been dead a year.
I’ve had a similar thing, but with my grandmother. I called her a grandmother diminutive but when I was a teenager and my younger cousins were born she wanted a new nickname. I found it so hard to change it so ended up calling her “grandmother nickname”, which of course was so much more formal!
It’d be weird for a bit, but sure. She would never want that, though. She was a little sad when my siblings and I switched from “Mommy” to “Mom.”
Sure but I sometimes call her by her name to be obnoxious and because it makes me laugh so now I’d just have to flip it
I’d tell her to stop with middle life crisis and get fucking therapy.
I would go straight to ‘No problem, Mrs OP, and how may I further make you more comfortable in our relationship Mrs OP? Would you like me to remove you from my emergency contact list Mrs OP? Take you off my birth certificate Mrs OP? Please remember to tell your child (the only one you apparently have) that they are an only child now and can consider me simply a family friend
I would do it… For the two phone calls/cards a year on her birthday and christmas. If it’s just you and not your siblings that’s a dick move and you don’t need that energy in your life.
No. I couldn’t choose what the world will call me. Neither can she. Idgaf.
I would, but I’d probably bastardize her name in some way to make it more fun for me.
“I’m Carla now!”
“Ohhkay Carla, Shmarla, Larla, Lurleen…. Lurleen it is!”
To be honest I don’t really call mine Mom very often. I make up pet names for everyone. So she’s named after a type of candy that she liked , ages ago, that I asked her if she’d like to be called. She said no. So I started calling her that (around 16 maybe) and now 25+yrs later everyone calls her that. My husband, my kids, my Dad lol.
But honestly, if she was like “Call me Carla!” I’d say fine.
I’ve called my mother by her first name since I was old enough to talk. My son starting calling me by my first name when he was a young teenager. It didn’t change the love & respect we felt for each other.
No. My Ma isn’t a weirdo like this.
That would be incredibly weird.
I’d start going for weirder and weirder variants of “Mom”.
Mammy.
Mam.
Ma.
Mamma.
Big momma.
Mawmaw.
Mumsy.
Mother.
Mothership.
Mommy.
Mummy.
Mawmamawh.
Birth Giver.
Female parental unit.
Uterus of Origin.
That lady who’s vagina I came out of.
My grandma never let my mom or her siblings call her mom. She made them call her babs.
Kinda weird, but since I use my parents first names when I talk about them with other people, it wouldn’t be that hard.
lol my sister and I started jokingly calling our mom by her first name when we became adults, mostly when she was doing something silly or that we didn’t like.
But she doesn’t like it so we never ever do it in a serious moment.
However if she asked me to call her by her first name I would respect what she wants. I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t accidentally slip up and caller her mamma, since that’s what I usually call her.
I would do just about anything my mom asked me to do, including this. But I would definitely want to know why.
Yes. I called her by her first name anyway. She didn’t deserve to be called mom for most of my life.
I call her by her first name all the time. She tends to tune out all versions of “mom” a lot of the time! Using her full given name is a great way for me to get her to listen. I also call her “Linda” a lot (which is not her name), from the “Listen, Linda” video.
I’m 50 years old and I still call my parents mom and dad.
Nah that hooderhophen lol (this the name she’d ask us to call her when she would get tired of hearing “mom” all the time lol)
No. She’s my mum and she’s staying my mum. It like Alex, my friend of 31 years, declaring he wants to be know as Xander. No fuck chance Alex.
I wouldn’t.
Not with my mom. But my grandma didn’t want me calling her my grandma when I was a kid. She wanted me to call her a nickname or “Mama.” My family all calls her that. She felt it aged her to be a grandma. She doesn’t want to be a grandma. But I just remember thinking “you’re my grandma. Why can’t I call you my grandma? I love my grandma. It just seems so strange to call her anything else.”
I already refer to her as such. She actually prefers a nickname, but I won’t call her that. I deliberately refer to her only as the name her mother gave her, the way she pronounced it.
She was not a mom to me so I have no reason to call her “mom”, other than the fact that she is the person who gave birth to me. “Mother” is as close as I’ll get when referring to her, but I wouldn’t call her “mother” to her face. She’s just Firstname.
I would actually think there was something wrong with her brain, that’s how out of character that would be. Being a mom was always her dream. She dressed up as a mom for Halloween when she was like four years old. She used to ask her mom if she could keep the neighborhood babies lol
Oh yes. Id go along with it so hard she’d never flippin hear from me again.
I would feel hurt, but I would call her whatever name she wants. Everyone deserves to be called by their preferred name.
Sure thing Janet
I’d say okay. It’s her choice. And who knows? Maybe Mom’s engaged in a Reddit hypothetical where he gets $10 bazillion if one of her kids never says “mom” again?
I am petty, I would just go no contact., problem solved.
Why does it only apply to you and not your siblings? Are you singled out like that often?
That alone would bring me pause.
Yeah obviously I would do it. But I would have get used to it. But I also have a good relationship with my mom, so no need to interpret anything into it.
If she didn’t tell the same to my roughly same aged siblings it would be strange.
If she didn’t tell it to my much younger sibling I wouldn’t see anything behind it though.
So for your case it depends on your relationship with her, and how old your siblings are.
Does she have a new, maybe younger, boyfriend? Or does Alzheimers run in your family? I think if something is so out of character, finding out ‘why’ would be a priority. I would hold off on trying to process how you feel about this until you know for sure it’s not cognitive decline, neurological, or anything that is beyond her control. It’s difficult to do, but step back and let go of the idea that this is all about you and how she’s doing this just to hurt you. Discuss this with your siblings, they may have valuable input. Give that woman formerly known as ‘Mom’ all your positive energy and understanding ❤️
Did you ask why? This seems so weird. I would be very upset if my son called me by my name, although he went through a phase where he did when he was like 6 😂
yes, 100%, i use people’s preferred names
i’m still gonna accidentally call her momma for a while though, if i’m going to use all the other name changes as a metric
If your siblings are allowed to call her “mom” but you’re not, that sounds personal and therefore hurtful. There might be additional details to this which could make it seem like less of an attack of you, but I can’t imagine what they might be.
If everyone was supposed to use her first name, that would be one thing, but why single one person out?
Ask her why
I couldn’t. And as a Mom, I would never ask that!
Probably I would do it, but my mom isnt that type of person to really say a whole lot, very quiet loving woman who is like a cat will hang out but not say a whole lot so I’d be more confused than worried about what I call her
I would definitely want to know why I was singled out. And her answer would probably help me decide if I was going to call her anything at all or just stop talking to her completely. Alot depends on how contentious (or not contentious) the relationship was before she chose to make this edict.
I’d think she is having a mental breakdown. would not go along with it.
My dad kept insisting from late teens to call him his name but I refused and just called him dad. He’s always going to be Dad to me. It’s his fault for making me learn it as a child hahaha. He has since given up after maybe 10yrs.
I sometimes called my mom Mrs. (First Name). So not to weird a step for me.
She’s old, she raised four kids, mostly on her own, she can ask for whatever she likes and I’ll do my best to cooperate.
You mean before or after I took her to the doctor for talking crazy?
Really, if my mom said this, I’d think she might have had a stroke. I’d take it very seriously.