I am going to need to take a deep breath before I get into this one, because every now and then, a story comes across the “Am I The Ahole” subreddit that makes me want to throw my entire computer into the sea. This is a story about a mom who, when faced with an impossible choice, managed to make the worst one humanly possible.
Our narrator is a 55-year-old woman. She’s been married to her new husband, a 63-year-old man, for four years. Her 23-year-old daughter, from a previous marriage, has been living with them while she finishes school and gets a job.
But let’s add some… context. The mom admits her relationship with her daughter is “complicated.” The daughter has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and has “a lot of trauma.” And where did that trauma come from? Oh, just from watching her mom’s first horrible marriage go down in flames, and from being severely bullied in school.
And what did the mom do about that bullying? Well, her hands were “tied,” you see, because she holds the baffling view that “all children are innocents.” So, when her daughter was being tormented, mom refused to intervene because that would be “an adult harassing a child.” When her depressed daughter was being called “trash” for hygiene issues, part of mom’s response was to… tell her to take a shower. This is the level of maternal support we are working with.
So, this mom, with this stellar track record, thought that having her traumatized daughter move in with her and the new husband would “heal some childhood wounds” and “model a healthy relationship.” The irony is so thick I am choking on it.
The “healthy modeling” immediately hit a snag. The daughter, an introvert, would get annoyed when the stepdad would interrupt her alone time. But then, a much more sinister issue popped up. The daughter complained that her stepdad’s “eyes lingered for too long.” And every woman on this planet just got a full-body shiver, because we know exactly what that means.
The daughter got angry. There was shouting. And finally, the husband admitted the horrifying truth. He told his wife that he is attracted to her 23-year-old daughter. He called her “walking temptation.”
And as if that wasn’t stomach-turning enough, he then weaponized his own creepiness. He told his wife that this is why he’s been avoiding s*x with her. He didn’t just confess; he found a way to blame his stepdaughter for his own predatory thoughts and his marital problems. This is a master-class in disgusting, manipulative behavior.
So, our mom is upset. She “doesn’t blame” her daughter, which is the bare minimum, but thank you for your service. But the situation is “unbearable.” She needs to “collect her thoughts.” So, does she kick out the 63-year-old predator who just confessed to lusting after her child? Does she pack a bag for the man who called her daughter “walking temptation”?
Of course not. She kicks out the daughter. She kicks out the 23-year-old victim. The one with a diagnosed mental health disorder. The one with trauma from her. The one she invited into her home to “heal.” She gave her daughter money for an extended-stay hotel and told her to go find “emergency financial and housing resources” at her college.
And her justification? This is the part that will make you truly rage. She says, “I just need time to process the situation and don’t want to leave my house to stay with my daughter when I have a marriage to figure out whether or not to save.”
So, AITA? Yes. Yes, you are the ahole. You are the villain of all villains, and your ex is right to be dragging you on social media. You didn’t just fail your daughter; you repeated your entire life’s pattern of throwing her under the bus to prioritize a man. You didn’t just fail to protect her from the bullies at school; you failed to protect her from the predator in your own home.
This isn’t a marriage to “figure out.” This is a five-alarm fire you need to run from. You didn’t just ask your daughter to leave; you showed her, once and for all, that her safety and her trauma are less important than your desire to stay in your house and maybe salvage a relationship with the man who is fantasizing about her. You are so far in the wrong, it’s horrifying.
You aren’t a mother. When he said what he said, you should have immediately left with your daughter. You disgust me. My instinct would be violence against him.