There are moments in parenting that are hard. And then there are the moments that are so impossible, so gut-wrenching, that you end up on the internet asking strangers if you’re an ahole for a choice that is tearing you apart. This is one of those stories, and my god, it is a doozy.
A 42-year-old mom is asking for help. Her 19-year-old son is in the county jail hospital. Why? Oh, just because he hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle. And to make this tragedy even more horrific, the woman “might lose the baby.”
This isn’t some horrible, out-of-the-blue accident. This was an inevitability. The mom herself describes her son as a “careless, distracted driver.” How does she know? Because he has already totaled two other cars.
And what were the consequences for this clearly dangerous driving? Did he lose his license? Have to buy a bus pass? No. His biological dad “immediately replaced with even better cars!” This kid wasn’t just enabled; he was actively rewarded for being a menace to society. He learned, in the most direct way possible, that his actions have zero consequences.
But now, there’s a tragic twist. The bio-dad, the human ATM who was funding this reign of terror, is gone. He had a heart attack. And now, the mom is left holding the bag for the 19-year-old disaster they both created.
The son is in jail, with a broken nose and stitches. The judge has set bail at $9,500, and the public defender is pressuring her to pay right now or he stays in the jail hospital all weekend. And this poor, overwhelmed mom is finally, for the first time, asking the right question: What if… I just… don’t?
The mom is “overwhelmed.” She’s trying to get a real lawyer because, surprise, her son is now admitting the woman might lose the baby and sue him. You think? She’s also connecting the dots on why he was arrested, noting “He didn’t mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?” BINGO.
And she’s wondering if letting him spend a weekend in jail would be a “wakeup call.” A wakeup call? Ma’am, this is the 37th alarm bell, and it’s on fire. A weekend in a jail hospital, where he is safe and being treated, is not a punishment. It is the absolute, bare-minimum, long-overdue consequence for his horrific actions.
So, is she the ahole for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?
Let’s be absolutely crystal clear: NO. She is not the ahole. She is a mom who is finally, finally waking up from a 19-year-long nightmare of enabling. She is the only one in this story who is actually trying to stop this kid from k!lling someone, or himself.
Her son is not a “kid” who needs to be “bailed out.” He is an adult man who has proven he is a danger to every other person on the road. He has been taught, with better and better cars, that his choices don’t matter. Letting him sit there for a weekend to reflect on the fact that he may have just ended a baby’s life is not “mean.” It is the first act of actual parenting this kid has probably ever experienced.
Leave him in jail. Actions have consequences and it is time he begin to learn this. He is an adult and he is playing with adult issues that have adult punishments. The hospital is a cakewalk compared to where he could be.