We all know birth plans are basically just cute little suggestions to the universe that it immediately laughs at before throwing chaos your way. Things go wrong in the delivery room all the time. But there is “the epidural didn’t work” wrong, and then there is “my partner is literally dying in the other wing of the hospital” wrong. One new mom on Reddit is dealing with the latter, and her girlfriend’s reaction to it a full year later is making my blood pressure spike on her behalf.
Our narrator is a 26-year-old woman who has battled chronic heart problems her entire life. We are talking multiple major surgeries before she was even old enough to drive. This isn’t a mild inconvenience; it is her reality. When her girlfriend, Jane, was six months pregnant, OP got so sick with lung and heart issues that she spent an entire month in the hospital. That is terrifying enough on its own. Jane was supportive back then, but apparently, her patience for life-threatening medical emergencies runs on a very strict timer.
Two days before the due date, actual disaster struck. OP was rushed to the hospital because fluid was building up around her heart. For those not medically inclined, this is not a “take two ibuprofen and call me in the morning” situation. This is an “act immediately or your heart stops beating” situation. While doctors were literally saving OP’s life by draining the fluid, Jane went into labor and gave birth.
OP found out she was a mom from her brother-in-law while she was recovering from the emergency procedure. She was devastated to miss the big moment, obviously. As soon as she was discharged the next day, she rushed to the maternity ward to be with her family. You would think the sheer relief of everyone being alive and healthy would be enough to override the disappointment, right? Wrong.
Over the last year, Jane has apparently been stewing in a toxic pot of resentment that finally boiled over on a recent date night. OP planned a whole beautiful evening. Grandma took the baby, she got Jane’s favorite takeout, planned a spa night at home, the whole nine yards. But Jane wasn’t having any of it. When OP finally asked what was wrong, Jane dropped the bomb: She is still furious that OP missed the birth.
OP, probably exhausted from spending a year mentally apologizing for almost dying, snapped. She admitted she didn’t handle it perfectly, but after arguing, she finally called Jane selfish. She asked Jane if she truly grasped the severity of the situation—that her partner was in critical condition. Jane’s response? She claimed OP was being “patronizing” and “disrespectful,” and stormed off to bed.
Look, I get it. Birth is terrifying and lonely, and you want your person there holding your hand. Jane is allowed to have sad feelings about how it all went down. It’s a trauma to give birth alone when you expected support. But turning those valid sad feelings into anger directed at someone who was experiencing a medical catastrophe is wild behavior.
Calling her selfish for that wasn’t patronizing. It was the absolute, unvarnished truth. OP didn’t miss the birth because she was out drinking with buddies or decided to catch a movie. Her heart was failing. Jane really needs to take a step back and realize that the alternative to OP missing the birth was OP missing the rest of their child’s life because she would be dead. Is she the ahole for pointing that out? Absolutely not.