The “natural birth” community can be incredibly toxic. There is a weird, pervasive idea floating around that if you do not suffer agonizing pain during childbirth without medical intervention, you somehow cheated the system. Newsflash to those people, but modern medicine exists for a reason. One nineteen year old new mom on Reddit recently experienced the absolute worst side of this mindset. The villain of her story is not a random internet troll, but her very own mother.
The Original Poster is a nineteen year old who recently gave birth to a baby girl. Her pregnancy was unplanned and incredibly stressful for a multitude of physical and mental reasons. She bravely shared that she has a history with an eating disorder, making the rapid physical changes of pregnancy a massive mental hurdle. Furthermore, she is only four foot eleven and weighed around ninety five pounds for half of her pregnancy. Growing a human took a massive toll on her petite frame.
Because her pregnancy was so physically draining, she was put on bed rest for a long time. Her boyfriend works standard hours, so she made the difficult choice to move back in with her mother at six months pregnant for extra support. Since she was already having such a miserable time, she was absolutely determined to make the actual birth as smooth and painless as possible. She started crafting her birth plan early and was completely adamant about getting an epidural.
Instead of supporting her vulnerable teenage daughter, the mother decided to use this time to relentlessly bully her. The mom constantly lectured her about the epidural. She insisted that the OP needed to experience birth and claimed that anything other than a natural delivery meant she was not a real mother. She even threw in some extra condescension by saying young girls always cop out. The OP rightfully put her foot down and told her mother she would not be allowed in the delivery room if she kept up the nasty comments.
The daily arguments finally stopped when the OP went into premature labor at thirty five weeks. Things did not go according to her carefully crafted birth plan. She had to undergo a terrifying and painful emergency C-section. The experience was deeply traumatic. She barely remembers her daughter’s birth and is struggling with intense feelings of inadequacy. She even admitted to feeling like the universe was telling her she should not be a mother at all because of the severe pregnancy and delivery complications.
Holding true to her boundaries, the OP did not allow her mother into the room until the day after the birth. The mom walked in already upset about being excluded from the delivery. She picked up her brand new granddaughter and immediately looked at her traumatized, recovering daughter to deliver the most evil sentence imaginable. She smiled and said she was so glad the OP got to feel the birth now since she did not get to do it naturally, gesturing directly to her fresh C-section wound.
Let us take a moment to fully process that level of cruelty. A mother looked at her teenage daughter, who had just been sliced open in emergency surgery to safely deliver a premature baby, and essentially gloated about her physical agony. The mom was thrilled that her daughter was in excruciating post surgical pain because it somehow validated her twisted views on natural motherhood.
The OP was absolutely furious and handled the situation perfectly. She demanded her boyfriend take the baby away and immediately kicked her mother out of the hospital room. Suddenly realizing there were actual consequences for her horrific behavior, the mom started crying and tried to claim it was just a joke. There is absolutely nothing funny about mocking someone recovering from major abdominal surgery.
Two full weeks have passed since the incident and the mother has not reached out to apologize once. Instead, she sent the OP’s father to do her dirty work. The dad called and demanded the OP forgive her mother despite the glaring lack of an apology. Even the boyfriend, who promised to stand by her, dropped the ball by telling the OP she is probably just too emotional to make long term choices about cutting contact right now.
The internet rushed to support this brave young mom and assured her she is absolutely not the ahole. Having an emergency C-section does not make you any less of a mother. It means you endured major surgery to bring your child safely into the world. That is the definition of pure maternal strength.
Her mother’s comments were vile and completely unforgivable. Being postpartum does not mean you are too emotional to recognize toxic behavior. It means your protective instincts have kicked in and you are hyper aware of who is safe to have around your new baby. This new mom needs to protect her peace, heal from her surgery, and keep that toxic energy far away from her daughter. Would you ever speak to your mother again if she mocked your surgical wound? Tell us in the comments!
I believe you need to do what’s right for yourself and your baby. Take some time to think about it and rest….if you allow her back in your life, I would set some firm, nonnegotiable boundaries and stick to your guns. I hate you had to go thru this.