There are a few unwritten rules in marriage that really shouldn’t need to be written down. For example: if your spouse is in the hospital, you stay at the hospital. If your spouse is pregnant with your child and in the hospital, you definitely stay at the hospital. And if your spouse is pregnant, in the hospital, and battling complications, you absolutely do not leave her alone in a depressing medical room so you can go home and crack open a few cold ones with the boys. Unfortunately, one husband on Reddit apparently missed the orientation day where they covered “Basic Empathy 101.”
The OP (Original Poster) explains that his wife is a few months away from giving birth but is struggling with gestational diabetes. This isn’t a minor issue; it’s a high-risk situation that requires insulin and constant monitoring. Things got bad enough that her doctor recommended she go straight to the emergency room. Because the OP was in a meeting—which, fine, work happens—she had to drive herself. The doctors confirmed that while the baby was okay for the moment, she needed to be admitted to get her blood sugar under control.
This is the part where a normal partner rushes to the hospital, brings a pillow from home, and prepares to sleep in that uncomfortable reclining chair that destroys your spine. But not this guy. He received news at work that he got a promotion. Instead of thinking, “Great, more security for my growing family,” his brain immediately went to, “It’s party time.” He decided he wanted to celebrate by drinking at home with his friend. His logic for why this was acceptable is truly a marvel of mental gymnastics.
He reasoned that since his wife couldn’t drink anyway, this was actually the perfect time for him to get wasted with his buddy because she wouldn’t feel “left out.” Yes, you read that correctly. He thought leaving her alone in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors was better than drinking in front of her at home. He seemingly forgot that the “left out” part refers to being excluded from the comfort of her own home and husband, not just the alcohol.
He went to the hospital, dropped off her stuff, and then decided to pitch his great plan. He told her about the promotion and asked if she minded if he went home to drink instead of staying with her. This is a classic trap. When you ask a partner who is trying not to be a burden if you can leave, they will often say “yes” because they don’t want to force you to stay. They want you to want to stay. The OP’s wife gave him the go-ahead, likely masking her disappointment, and he immediately texted his friend to set up the playdate.
As the time to leave approached, the vibe shifted. The wife started acting cold and eventually snapped, telling him to “just leave already.” Any person with a shred of emotional intelligence would hear that and think, “Danger, Will Robinson! Abort mission!” It is the universal code for “If you walk out that door, you are making a huge mistake.” The OP, however, took it literally. He looked at his upset, hospitalized, pregnant wife and thought, “Sweet, permission granted,” and left at 9 PM to go party.
A few hours later, reality came crashing down via text message. She told him he was an ahole for not staying and that she was deeply hurt. He was shocked—shocked!—because she had said it was okay. He went back the next morning, presumably hungover or at least groggy, only to find a wife who refused to speak to him and kicked him out.
The OP seems genuinely confused, asking if he is the bad guy because “everything was fine” medically. He completely missed the point. Support isn’t just for when the baby is actively crowning or when the heart monitor flatlines. Support is sitting in the boredom and the anxiety together. It is about solidarity. By leaving, he showed her that his desire to celebrate was more important than her comfort and safety.
He essentially told his wife, “Since you’re stuck here and can’t be fun, I’m going to go have fun without you.” It is selfish behavior that creates deep resentment, especially when she is doing the heavy lifting of growing their child and managing a serious health condition.
So, is the OP the ahole? Without a doubt. He failed the partner test spectacularly. The promotion will still be there tomorrow, but the memory of being abandoned in a hospital while your husband chose beer over you is going to last a lifetime.
What would you do if your partner left you in the hospital to go drinking? Would you have barred him from the room the next day too? Let us know in the comments if you think he deserves forgiveness or if he needs to grovel for the next eighteen years!