Adopting a shelter pet is one of the most wholesome things a person can do. Usually, the animals left behind are the ones that are older, have special medical needs, or simply don’t photograph well. But sometimes, a cat lingers in the shelter system not because of its personality, but because Mother Nature decided to play a wildly inappropriate practical joke with its fur pattern. One couple on Reddit recently opened their hearts and home to a cat that had been overlooked for months, solely because he had a very distinct, very phallic shape right in the middle of his face.
The Original Poster (OP) and her fiancé were looking to adopt a cat some time ago. They stumbled upon a middle-aged gentleman who had been sitting in the shelter for a long while for a “painfully obvious” reason. The black and white pattern of his coat created a perfect, unmistakable p*nis shape on his face. We aren’t talking about a vague blob here. We are talking about a Rorschach test where there is only one correct answer.
Instead of being immature about it, the couple did the only logical thing. They found it hilarious, fell in love with his sweet personality, and took him home. The shelter told them they could pick a name, and since the first thing anyone sees when they look at this cat is a giant phallus, they decided to lean into the joke. They named him Richard. For those who need a refresher on nicknames, Richard is the long form of “D!ck.” It is a classic, harmless dad joke. Even the OP’s own father, whose actual name is Richard, thought it was funny.
Life with Richard the D!ck-Faced Cat was going perfectly well until the sister-in-law (SIL) came to visit. Most guests giggle or find the name charmingly appropriate. The SIL, however, had a meltdown that defies all logic. She told the couple that the name was “completely inappropriate” and a “disservice to the cat and the cat’s feelings.” She claimed the OP was making fun of the cat “unbeknownst to the cat himself.”
I need everyone to take a deep breath and process that statement. She is worried about the cat’s self-esteem. She genuinely believes that this feline, who spends his day licking his own butt and chasing laser pointers, is deeply offended by a double entendre name in a language he does not speak. She went so far as to categorize the name as “un-physical animal abuse.”
The OP tried to inject some sanity into the conversation by pointing out that the cat does not speak English. Richard does not know he is named after male genitalia. Richard thinks he is a fierce apex predator who owns the house. His feelings are not hurt because he lacks the cognitive capacity to understand social embarrassment. But the SIL wasn’t hearing it. She got mad at the fiancé for “enabling abuse” of an animal that “can’t control what coat pattern it has” and has since ghosted the couple.
This is perhaps the most chronically online take I have ever seen in the real world. To equate a funny name with animal abuse is an insult to actual animal welfare issues. This cat was sitting in a cage, unwanted and unloved, likely because people were too immature to handle his face markings. The OP gave him a warm home, food, and love. That is the opposite of abuse. That is salvation.
If we start policing pet names based on the “feelings” of the animal, we are all doomed. Is it abuse to name a hairless cat “Harry”? Is it a hate crime to name a bulldog “Princess”? Animals do not care what you call them as long as you call them for dinner. They care about the tone of your voice and the quality of the scratch behind the ears.
So is the OP the ahole? Absolutely not. N-T-A. You saved a cat that nobody else wanted and gave him a hilarious name that fits him perfectly. Richard is living his best life, blissfully unaware that his face looks like a doodle on a bathroom stall. The SIL is the one with the problem, and frankly, if she is willing to cut off family over a cat named D!ck, she is probably doing you a favor by staying away.